Dear Donald Trump, dear Dr. Putin, dear Dr. Xi,
I am sure your clandestine services have informed you about that, but democracy died in Germany Thursday, February 6, 2020.
Now, we Germans are most probably not again drifting into a right-wing fascist regime, but rather a communist-fascist regime, thus most probably becoming rather an annoyance than a real threat to world peace, but – if I may ask for a small favor:
Would you consider invading Germany? We don’t really have an army, I’m sure a battalion of underage conscripts with slingshots would suffice. You could also carpet-bomb Berlin, just for the lulz.
The German people is in desperate need for someone to show them their wrongs, and I duly apologize for this being necessary yet again. But if the bunch of you, together, would just put up a flag on the Reichstag, again, and hang the current Regime for crimes against humanity, again, I am very positive we Germans will be nice, pay reparations, and go back to building cars for the next 70 years – again.
and with sincerest apologies,
A random German.
PS: Dear Mr Netanjahu, please do not feel excluded; my nation has wronged Jews too much, already. Can you spare one or two Schin Bet or Mossad assassins? Pretty please?
PPS: Dear Mr. Johnson – I realize you have other problems than silly Germans at the moment, but, maybe, have a chat with Count Franz of Bavaria to join the United Kingdom? We can offer €6b per year as a tribute.