Open Letter to the (not yet) Allied Leaders

Dear Donald Trump, dear Dr. Putin, dear Dr. Xi,

I am sure your clandestine services have informed you about that, but democracy died in Germany Thursday, February 6, 2020.

Now, we Germans are most probably not again drifting into a right-wing fascist regime, but rather a communist-fascist regime, thus most probably becoming rather an annoyance than a real threat to world peace, but – if I may ask for a small favor:

Would you consider invading Germany? We don’t really have an army, I’m sure a battalion of underage conscripts with slingshots would suffice. You could also carpet-bomb Berlin, just for the lulz.

The German people is in desperate need for someone to show them their wrongs, and I duly apologize for this being necessary yet again. But if the bunch of you, together, would just put up a flag on the Reichstag, again, and hang the current Regime for crimes against humanity, again, I am very positive we Germans will be nice, pay reparations, and go back to building cars for the next 70 years – again.

Thank you,

and with sincerest apologies,

A random German.

PS: Dear Mr Netanjahu, please do not feel excluded; my nation has wronged Jews too much, already. Can you spare one or two Schin Bet or Mossad assassins? Pretty please?

PPS: Dear Mr. Johnson – I realize you have other problems than silly Germans at the moment, but, maybe, have a chat with Count Franz of Bavaria to join the United Kingdom? We can offer €6b per year as a tribute.

3 Replies to “Open Letter to the (not yet) Allied Leaders”

  1. Ich fuerchte die werden das dankend ablehnen. Wer will schon ein Land uebernehmen, mit Millionen von Pseudo-Beschaeftigten und Millionen von Fluechtilanten, und noch schlimmer, zig Millionen von Rentnern?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ey, ich hab 6 Milliarden Euro pro Jahr geboten; ich bin (glücklicherweise) aus Bayern, wir “hamms” ja. Das sind keine Peanuts.

      Aber klar, nichtmal Kiribati will Bayern als Bundesstaat haben – die sind ja nicht doof, die Kiribatianer. Während ihr jährliches Bruttosozialprodukt grob ein einziger Audi A6 ist.

      Gott, haben wir das verkackt.


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