Movie critic: TTII:DO

My best guess is that The Trump Impeachment Inquiry, Day One was born as a legal-procedural drama, such as famous (and, in stark contrast, good) films like To Kill a Mockingird or A few Good Men. While the production company has been around for more than 200 years, it totally fails to grasp any standard of a modern movie. Not only is it astonishing that we’re hearing absolutely zero critique from the usually continuously outraged feminist crowd about the movie’s all-white, old male cast; the director’s choice of even unimportant “decorative” women seems to entice almost exclusively blind people.

The main female on screen is a rather bland black woman – and while we all are welcoming diversity, placing this token woman of color in your movie doesn’t make it any better. The movie also attempts to cheaply brown-nose the fat shaming movement with an ageing blonde with an unmistakable resemblance to a pug, and actually manages to convince the viewer that the rather plump girl in the red dress can be viewed as attractive, which is essentially just a bad steal for sympathy as established by Spielberg in Schindler’s List. The movie still badly fails the Bechdel test – not even once showing her face, not to speak of letting her talk, so what’s the sympathy for?

The main character, Mister Schiff, seems to be based on the concept of the smug arrogant asshole lawyer popular in this genre, which he is playing quite naturally. The main antagonist, a Mister Nunes, is, similarly, a stereotypical, ignorant, annoyed dork, also very convincingly portrayed, but that’s about the upsides of the movie. There is zero resemblance of any kind of character development or anything resembling character depth in any of the protagonists;  there’s no moment of brilliance in either Schiff or Nunes, no passion, no insight how they came to their worldview or why you should empathize with them.

The plot seems contrived, essentially based on the assumption that all the people of the United States are morons who wouldn’t, to paraphrase the main character, “be interested in whether their next president is a nepotist involved in corruption”.

Drawing from the popular american trope “Russians are bad”, the movie totally fails to paint any resemblance of credible Russian villains like Alexei de Sadeskin in Dr. Strangelove. The latter movie should be seen as the measuring post for situation-room – setting movies who mainly draw on exposure by narration, but TTTII:DO fails really bad at this. Not only is the Russian bad guy not even shown once in the movie; it immediately changes it’s focus to the former Soviet Republic of Ukraine, to then narrow the focus even further to an obscure island in the Black Sea – a place nobody really gives a fuck about.

This is not only lazy scriptwriting, but a total failure of the director, too – making the Crimean Tartars likeable would be an easy feat: they suffered great atrocities if you want to go for history. Even if you want to go for cheap, modern cable TV “boobs” pandering to the audience, crimean girls, on average, make western topmodels and beauty queens look like Rosie O’Donnell in comparison.

Running for more than six hours, the movie goes on to introduce a few minor characters, again using boring and lengthy narration for background exposure, which, in short, is an insult to the audience. The characters are introduced as high-ranking administration officials and even ambassadors, while possessing all the charms and fascination of a stereotypical accountant easily tricked by any woman, while totally failing to grasp the helplessness brilliantly played by Stephen Tobolowsky as Dr. Werner Brandes in Sneakers. This might be a fun subtile slap at the trope of Americans essentially being morons all over – if those characters were, in any way, funny. Instead, the movie desperately feels obliged to portray them as the good guys for some reason.

Even more desperately, the movie tries to somehow make well-loved entertainer Donald Trump into the scheming bad guy. This not only happens in the most obvious and boring way possible in a movie (narration, again, of course). It’s also not convincing at all, which might be a reason the director couldn’t win Trump over for even a short cameo appearance.

Overall, this movie totally fails at about everything good movies are made of. It’s just lengthy and boring. Don’t bother to watch.

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